I was going to post, but I'm jus too tired. I even forgot what i was going to say.

Prices approached $6 a gallon last week, briefly, outside Atlanta. That station owner was quickly hounded into submission, and Georgia Gov. Sonny Purdue (R) pledged to invoke price-gouging laws against any owner who goes overboard.  Washington Post 9/5/05

That is just ridiculous.

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happy

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I gotta job, I gotta job. ::does a little dance:: yay. I gave them my word today. I don't know when i'm going to start though. I have my physical with them on the 12 and they're mailing me all my paperwork. I think I'm going to call them tomorrow ans ask if anyone cancels before then if i can have their spot, that way i can start working sooner.

This came just in time cause according to the Boston Globe I'm gonna need that money to pay for gas. "Matt McKenzie, spokesman for from AAA-Northern New England, predicted gas prices would hit $3.70 to $3.80 by month's end in that region of the country" I think I'm going to be working to put money in my tank.

And I was told today when I accepted my job, there may be a very real possibility that I may be able to move up to 40 hours. That would be awesome. I guess Mary has been talking to the deparment supervisor and said that when she comes back from maternity leave she doesn't want to come back as supervisor and would prefer 32 hours a week. So we would be switching hours a week. My schedule kinda sucks though, I'm going to be going for 9:30 to 6 and then closing the department. But at least I'll be getting the experience that I need.

And another plus, I get to go shopping for clothes for work and shoes. Any excuse to shop.

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Got a job offer today. They offered me 32 hours a week at a sucky pay, but hey it's a job. The guy that called me was completely lying to me the whole time on the phone about how he wanted to hire someone with experience but couldn't offer them what they wanted and how his first choice was me. That's complete bullshit. I already know the person he hired for 40 hours cause she was in my class at school and she has just as much experience as me. But whatever. It's a job. I didn't want to seem desperate so I asked for a day to think it over.

Plus you don't have to sign a contract so I can still look for a job somewhere else, while gaining experience. And i decided that i'm going to try to look for a per diem job on my day to try and earn some extra money. Though i know that one of them is going on maternity leave in a month so i may be able to get a few weeks of 40 hours if they're in need.

So as of right now my answer is yes. Yay i'm actually going to be a working person now. Being unemployed sure is depressing though.

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So we had our week late aniversary celebration on tuesday. It was fun, i honestly didn't even know if it was going to happen at all. I was so mad at Josh on Monday that i was about ready to give up on everything. I mean especially the part when he called me on the phone and when i confronted him with his lying he lied again.

So i made him wait and picked him up from work late just to basically be a bitch. Then we had a long long talk. Which was weird cause or long talks usually turn into fights but this one didn't. He basically told me that the only reason that he lied to me was because he was afraid of losing me but he was doing just that by lying to me. Then he told me that his greatest fear was losing me. He just seemed so sincere and I really wanted to believe. And I really do love him so I gave him another though the whole time the voice in my head was telling me that I'm probably a moran. My heart and my brain just aren't connected i guess. But just thinking about him not being in my life leaves this huge hole in my heart and i don't think i could ever fill that.

I mean he's seen me at my absolute worst and still wants to be there. He doesn't care that i'm not the prettiest girl in the world or that i can't sing but insist on singing along to the radio anyway. He doesn't care that I don't always think everything through before I open my mouth. And he's always been there when I really needed him.

So we went to Look Park and we had a good time. He kicked my ass at mini golf. I think that's the first time that ever happened. There was this group right in front of us my god were they rude. There was like 8 or 9 of them and they took so long. We would be done with our hole before they even started playing theirs because they were talking the whole time. I mean they could have let us play through. It would have maybe taken 4 minutes at the most. And they were like screaming the whole time they were playing.  After that I made josh lose his paddle boat virginity. He was complaining that his legs hurt after that. Haha wimp.

Then later he actually cooked for me. He's been telling me for about 2 years now that he was gonna make me this one dish well he actually did. Honestly I was actually surprised that he did. He made me chicken marsala. And if we ever live together he's doing all the cooking.

So i got a call from someone in my class today and she said that at the place she's working at now her supervisor said that she wants the supervisor of the department to offer me a job. So i'm keeping my finger's crossed. If he doesn't call tomorrow I'm calling Friday. It's only 32 hours a week at a sucky pay but hey it's a job and I need that. Then later I'll just try to find a per diem position on my day off. That'll be good money for me. And maybe I'll even get one at an OB site. I've sent quite a few resumes and applications to other places so hopefully someone wants me if the guy turns out to be a dick and refuses to hire me. It's sad i'm the only one in my class that hasn't gotten a job. grrr.

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how can you continually lie to me and hurt me in the process and then tell me that i'm the one? why can't you at least respect me enough to be honest with me? is it really to much to ask?

Then to add insult to injury when i confront you, you just lie even more.

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depressed

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so i went on a job interview this week and i totally blew it. i never thought i'd be one of those people that had a degree but no job. so it is true that you never think it could happen to you, but it can.

i threw my back out on monday, went to the doc on tues. she gave me muscle relaxers. holy shit do those knock me out. i took one at 6 it hit me at 10 and i just dropped into this dead sleep and woke up at 3 in the afternoon the next day. geez when i told her i just wanted something to help with the pain for when i go to sleep i didn't mean like that. i haven't taken one since, i'm dealing with the pain.

so me throwing out the back kinda ruined my anniversay plans. I was gonna have a pinic at Look Park. so we postponed it week, though now i don't know. I just can't go on the bumper boats =( That's the best part.

Yeah so i'm still unemployed and my health insurance is running out. I need a job fast especially since there are a couple doc appointments i'm gonna be cancelling if i don't. I dropped an application off at Mercy Thursday and I have 2 resumes going out in the mail in a few hours. So i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Let's see my brother's doing bad. He's probably going to jail at the end of the month. The other day he he asked me if i hated him. I finally realized that i don't, not really. I hate what he's become but mostly i just feel sorry for him. I really do. I look at evrything he's lost and i don't know why anyone would even want to start to begin with.

But i at least need to get some sleep.

so i had a rather big arguement with josh tonight about hiding things from me and lying and during the fight he went and lied to me.

Right before the fight he started going on about how he got this myspace account to his friend right in front of me. So i was just like oh you never told me you had an account and he just started going off at me like oh yeah i did. So i asked him how he heard of it cause the only time he goes online is at my house and he doesn't go on very often. But when he does he's always so secretive about it, like he'll go and close all the windows he's on and all his im's if i even walk by my computer room. Then he starts going off at how it was his cousin that told him about it and that he didn't tell me because he figured that's not something i'm into, and he's not really into it he just joined cause his cousin is on it and she told him to. So i said oh so then you only know your cousin on it and she's the only one on your list? Then he starts telling me oh no he asked one of his friends if she had it and so she's on the list. Then he clearly said he had 3 friends one was the guy that owns it cause he's on everyone's, then his cousin and this girl from nj that he's always talking to. Then i asked him how long he was a member and he said he joined this week but he doesn't really go on it and hasn't even created a profile. This is kinda how the fight got started but it wasn't about this.

So after we left his friend he started getting all tiffy saying i was making a big deal out of the whole thing and that i don't trust him about anything. I just said oh i didn't know you that you had one and i was kinda hurt that you would go around and ask your friends if they had one but not me. Then i told him that it's kinda weird that he's always secretive when he's online.

So basically we get into a fight about his lying and my having trouble trusting him and how he's completely different than when we first started dating and how i should just forget about the past and not let the things that he did that hurt me bother me. So i went and told him all the things that he did before that hurt me that i never said because that's really only how i can make them not bother me anymore. Because otherwise it'll still be in my head and i'll always wonder did he really know that this even hurt me and if he didn't what's going to stop him from doing it again. So we had the fight and everything was fine I felt like this huge weight was lifted off my chest. I really did feel better, i opened up about everything: him, my family, friends, my depression, school, work evrything that's ever stressed me out.

So then i came online because i needed to get a picture out of my email and this like warning thing went off in my head telling me to check his myspace account. I mean i feel awful that the thought even occurred to me especuially since i said that i would trust him more. So i went to his profile page. And you have add your friends to this site. Well his cousin wasn't under his friends list, but this girl that he always complains about who stalked him was, and this girl who used to try and get with him was there and then the girl from nj and the owner was there. And his profile was filled out. It said he was single and there for dating and serious relationships. I mean it also said he was ther for friends but i don't care about that. But the single and for dating purposes i do care about.

I mean why was i even so stupid to actually feel bad about having trouble trusting him. I mean if you lie to me why should i trust you?

It's like part of me wants to believe what he's saying and then the other part just says that he's just feeding me lines. And i do still love him which makes all the things running through my head so much worse. It would be so much easier if i didn't love him cause then i could just say screw it and walk away, but if i do that now it'll feel like a really big piece of me is missing.

i'm just so stressed.

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i got a call from somewhere in connecticut on friday regarding my resume but i couldn't take the call. So i called back today but i got the machine. grr. If they offered me a decent salary with good hours i think i would jump on it, even if the doctors are dicks. I think the sign on bonus would make up for it. So hopefully i'll here back from them tomorrow. Though i saw in the paper that Noble was hiring so today i mailed a resume there. I mean it's their woman's center so i don't know how that would work out, there would be a couple of exams that i would need to be trained in. Holyoke is supposed to call me friday and let me know their decision. I just don't like how they've been dicking me around. Plus now they only have a 32 hour position open and i know their pay is low, but we'll see what happens. I wish i had more experience though because i saw that a private practice was hiring but they wanted someone with 3 years expierence. Those are the best jobs to get. Practically set hours, top pay, no weekends, no holidays, no call. One day i want a job like that.

I got my graduation gift from my aunt and uncle today. they said that they wanted to buy me a watch because i'm going to need one in my profession. so i gave them a little list of like 5 that i liked because i wasn't sure which ones would be available because they live in germany and the website said some watches would only be available online in their U.S. store. So i went and picked up the package today and they got me 2. I was only expecting one. So they got me this one and this one. The site had so many cute ones i could seriously become addicted to them. There's one that i really wanted, but there was no way in hell i was going to ask them for it. I would feel completely uncomfortable asking them for a watch called bunnysutra. I showed the watch to my mom and she gave me one of those looks i couldn't tell if she was disgusted or amused or a little bit of both.

I've decided that i need a new car, so that's what i am now saving for. I'll see what i can trade my POS in for. Josh offered to buy it off me, but let's face it i don't want to wait for like a year or two for him to save up money because he's awful with managing it. And I want a car sooner than that. I would like to have a car that:

• has 4 working windows
• none that are held up by duct tape
• or stuck up with some sort of clamp
• power locks that work
• has a sunroof button and a sunroof not just the button
• a single interior color. i'm sorry but the multicolor dashboard does not do it for me
• did not have previous owners that thought super glue was the fix to all of the cars problems

Though the major thing holding me back from a new car is the whole lack of job thing.

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So i'm completely excited. I passed my final and now I have a degree. I think I'm kind of still in shock. I actually got an 80 on it, the rest of my class got in the 70's. That has to have been the worst educational experience that i have ever had though let me tell you. I have never felt so completely stupid in my entire life. I mean maybe it would have been a better experience had i had faith that my teacher actually knew what she was talking about. But that's okay because that part of my life that is dependant on her is over now. Thank god. I was seriously starting to lose my mind during the end of it.

I went for my job interview yesterday. It went well i thought. They told me that they would call friday to let me know what their decision was. So i'm keeping my finger's crossed.

I actually went out and started buying scrubs right after i got out of my final. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to return them. I'm planning on going out and picking up a few more this week. So of them just feel so awful, i didn't even want to try them on. My mom told me she'd buy me one uniform for my graduation. Yay. Buying these can seriously turn into an addiction for me.

I was able to go out and excerise for the first time tonight in a while and not feel guilty like i should be studying instead. It felt so good. I was actually starting to miss it. I never thought that i would actually say that. Though i need to take off all the weight I put on when i was in this program, and now I actually have the time to do something about it. I went for a 3 mile walk tonight and it felt soo good. It actually made me feel better about myself. So that's good.